A Fun Day at Fossil Rim

On Monday, Lauren had the day off from school. The weather was AWESOME, so I wanted to do something outside. The girls had been begging to go back to Fossil Rim since last summer. I decided to take them... and Clint took the day off and went with us to Glen Rose. We had a great day! I have decided that a random Monday in November is the best time to go to Fossil Rim. The area is absolutely beautiful and there was hardly anyone there. The animals were incredibly friendly.. and very hungry :) Here were some highlights from the day...

1) We were greeted by our old friend, the ostrich. This guy scares me to death for some reason. Mainly, because he is mean. I just throw the food on the ground and roll up my window when I see him coming. I know... I am a great example of bravery for my girls. I should probably admit that I am not a huge animal person. :)

2) We saw tons of animals that look like deer. I don't know what all they are... but I like them. They are so sweet and easy to feed. The girls love all the "deer"...especially the "reindeer".

3) The zebras are just beautiful! You are not advised to feed them by hand.. but they were very friendly to us this trip- and the girls loved seeing them.

4)Halfway through the trip, you can stop and pet animals at the farm/barn yard. We the only ones out with the goats when we got there! The girls had so much fun brushing the goats, seeing the pigs, learning the difference between a tortoise and a turtle..it was great!

5) Our other favorite animals were the giraffes. They were all over.. and we enjoyed feeding lots of them. And.. they enjoyed being fed by us. I wish that I could post the video of the giraffe sticking its head through our sun roof. It freaked the girls out.. but once they got used to it, they thought it was so funny! At one point while I was taking pictures of the girls feeding the giraffes... I felt a little bump on my back. There was zebra bumping me.... and it scared me to death. The girls also thought this was funny. We laughed and laughed all day.

6) The last animals you see are cheetahs and rhinos. They were both lounging by the time we saw them. The girls tried to get the cheetahs to run by cat calling them. The cheetahs just waved their tails at them.

7) As we were headed out of the gate, we said goodbye to the ostriches. Basically, that just means that we poured our food out as fast as could and moved along. Seriously- they are SCARY!

8) On the way out of town, we stopped at the Fried Pie Shoppe. YUMMY is all I have to say. If you are in Glen Rose.... stop and enjoy this very fun treat.

I am so glad the day turned out as well as it did. It was the perfect way to spend a Monday!

Working my Way out of the Fog

First of all, thank you for all of your e-mails, calls, prayers, and other outpourings of love that you have graciously given me and my family. We are so thankful to have such a precious community of family and friends who hold us up when we need them. I want to let you all know that I am feeling better. I went to the doctor yesterday, and I had a good appointment. My doctor said everything was healing well, and he answered a lot of questions that I had. Since I had not been able to talk to him after he found the ectopic pregnancy- I definitely had questions for him about what had happened to me and what I could expect in the future. My sweet doctor had pictures of everything he had done.. and as weird as that sounds.... it was so comforting to me to see what was going on. Knowledge brings me comfort... so having a clearer picture brought much peace to my heart. It also completely amazed me. Our Creator has miraculously built our bodies...and each one of us and each one of our children are a true miracle. I don't think about that enough. But, when you do, it makes our mission here on Earth so much clearer... and the sweet people we are surrounded by so much more special as well. I have also heard stories of people who had a similar experience to mine, and they had much more damage. I am so thankful that I was spared so much that could have happened me. I look back and see God's hand of protection in so many aspects of this journey, and I am thankful to God for my physical healing and protection.

In Bible Study Fellowship. we have been talking a lot about the spiritual healing of Jesus. I Healing people from their ailments showed His power... but healing people from the pain they suffered from inside shows His mercy. I am so thankful for the healing He has already done and will continue to do in me and in my heart. I believe He will heal this hurt in my heart,and I know it is already happening. This is not to say that I still don't hurt. I do. Sometimes I wake up and I just start to cry because I am so sad. Or, I will wake up and start to panic as I think about it all again. I have moments of anger, of envy, of frustration... and then I reign in my heart and start again. Each day gets easier in some ways and harder in some ways. Easier because I feel better and stronger and more normal. Harder because I am a day further into the rest of my life.. and it is a life different than what I wanted. So that's where I am.

This is my blog, and I write mainly from my perspective, but I know that Clint is healing too. He was so worried about me and so sad about our loss as well. I am so thankful for his calm and strong presence beside me on this road. He is so wonderful, and I am so thankful for him. I think that he has learned WAY more than he ever wanted to know about the female anatomy. But whatever. It is good for him. :)

Since it is tough to get anything past Lauren, I finally had to tell her about the pregnancy. I tried the strategy of answering only the questions she asks....and it seems to work. She will occasionally ask me questions about it, but I think that she mainly just wants to know that I am feeling better. She told me she is sad about not getting to keep our baby- but I don't think it was really real to her, since it happened early along.

Camryn doesn't know what happened, but she seems very glad to have me feeling better and more normal. She didn't like it that I could not get up the stairs, wasn't at preschool, didn't get up a lot, etc. She is happy to have her playmate back on her feet.

Our future plans are uncertain... and I am learning to be okay with that. I think that is the biggest lesson in all of this for me. They were uncertain all the time anyway.... I only thought I knew what 2009 would bring. God has worked hard on me.. and I know I am better for it. I hope that He will use me to bring comfort to others- as people have brought so much comfort to me.

Happy Halloween!

We had a great Halloween night just trick or treating around the neighborhood. The girls had so much fun!

The theme of our costumes unintentionally turned out to be conquering our fears :)

Lauren decided to be the Tooth Fairy. She has a history of being frightened of something- and then becoming a little obsessed with it. This is the case with the Tooth Fairy, I guess. She loved her costume... and I thought she looked so pretty. Maybe her next lost tooth with not be as traumatic.

Camryn was a very saucy little Bumblebee! She loved her costume and enjoyed having wings like her sister. She is scared of wasps and bees after previous experiences on roadtrips... but when she saw her cousin, Carley, wear this costume last year- she knew she wanted to wear it this year. She wanted to have antennas and wings...accessories of course!

Thanks to my sweet friend, Ann, for letting us borrow her adorable costume!

We enjoyed our traditional pumpkin pizza for dinner and then headed out to trick or treat. Clint took the girls around the neighborhood, and I hung out in our driveway handing out candy. When they got back, the girls helped pass out candy for a while. Then, we went over to see my uncle and my cousins. Jack was the cutest little Nemo.. and we enjoyed seeing my family for a while. They have been so much help to me over the past week. It was fun to just be with them for a little while. It was a wonderful evening...hope your trick or treaters had a great evening too!

Gearing up for Halloween

I had to rely on my Mom and Clint to get our family ready for Halloween this year.. and they went above and beyond their call of duty!

1) Camryn's Halloween Party at school-

Camryn enjoyed wearing her costume to school on Thursday. She got to go trick or treating around the building.. and based on her bag full of candy- she had a great time! My mom didn't see her trick or treat.. but she did attend Camryn's party with her. They had a great time- and Camryn loved that her Nana was her special guest!

2) Trying to get a picture in the pumpkins- On Monday, I had wanted to get some pictures of my girls with pumpkins and other Fall Foliage. :) However, it POURED that day and was freezing.. so I thought I could just get it done after school one day. My sweet mom knew it was bugging me that I hadn't done it yet- so she drove me down the street to a nursery.. and I got a couple of shots yesterday. They aren't awesome.. but at least I captured the moment.. before all of Lauren's front teeth fall out. :)

3) Carving a Pumpkin- Clint helped the girls carve a pumpkin this afternoon. It is one of their favorite traditions to do with their Daddy! I think they did a great job!

Small Group Family Retreat

Last weekend, we enjoyed a wonderful weekend with the families in our small group. We had a two day retreat in Glen Rose- and it could not have been better! We enjoyed great weather, great friends, great lessons for adult and kids, great time for fellowship within our family and with our group. Clint and I LOVE retreats... we have been on many during our lives.. and we weren't sure what a retreat would be like with our children- but it was wonderful!
Some of our favorite parts...

1) The family scavenger hunt around the campground
2) Games, games, games...
The girls loved playing Red Rover and doing relays with their friends.

3) I Treasure.. the children's lessons. We were blessed to have our main children's minister, Mrs. Patti, come with us on the retreat and teach the childrens lessons. The girls enjoyed adorable costumes and wonderful lessons about being God's treasure and making God their treasure. Lauren took her role as God's pirate very seriously and wore her costume the rest of the weekend.

4) The Adult sessions- Chris and Stacy Hatchett answered questions that we had sent in prior to the retreat about parenting and marriage. They shared great insight and wonderful tips.... great things for us to take home and use with our families.

5) The Hayride and S'more making... it was the perfect combination for ending the evening!

6) Great time with friends- I don't have pictures of me with my friends.. or Clint with his friends.. but I did capture sweet moments of my children with their friends. So precious!

7)Wonderful time with our family... We all shared a "hotel" room and the girls shared a top bunk! Fun times indeed!! Knowing now what the next week held for our family-- those memories are even more sweet!

So... that's it! It was a couple of days... we are already excited for next year!

Difficult Times

Sometimes there are posts that you just don't want to write. But in an effort to document moments in our lives, both good and bad, I feel like it is time to share about a difficult time that we are going through at our house. For several months now, Clint and I have wanted to have another child. I love being a mother so much, and I have never felt like my family was complete...as much as I love the two girls God had given me. This desire sent me down a road that I never thought that I would have to go down. I had easily gotten pregnant with my two daughters and with the twin pregnancy that came between them. I felt like God had taught me enough from my miscarriage in 2005, but I have discovered that I had much more to learn. With every negative pregnancy test, I felt like I was learning so much- as much as I didn't want to be learning the lessons. After a long journey and much prayer, I was so excited to find out that we were pregnant again around Lauren's birthday. I was so thankful... so excited.. and felt such peace about things that God had taught me on the road to this pregnancy. I felt like He was molding me into a better mother, wife, and daughter of God. I had learned so much about waiting on Him... about giving up control...about letting go. Unfortunately, there must be more for me to learn because two weeks ago I believed that I had experienced another miscarriage. I thought that my body had taken care of everything naturally. My doctor had seen me the first day of the heavy bleeding and had believed that was the case as well. He was following my levels just in case - but felt like I would have no trouble moving on physically. I had not shared this with many people. I thought we could move past it easier that way. I was heartbroken but was trying so hard to cling to the fact that God was in control. I was trying to abide in His love for my family.. and in the way He has always taken care of us. Although this was not at all what I wanted, I was really trying to work though it all and come away from it closer to the person God was molding me to be.

Well, Monday night, I felt a horrible pain on the lower right side of my abdomen. I waited until I couldn't handle the pain anymore and headed to the ER thinking that I was having trouble with my appendix. I had no idea that there was more to this lesson for me to learn. When I got to the ER, I was informed that I was definitely still pregnant.... in fact almost 8 weeks along. I wish that you could have seen our faces! At first, the information was coming back positive. My levels were good, the initial exam went fine. A wide spectrum of emotions ran through my mind as we waited for all the test results to finish coming in (this was a long process of course!) . I was so shocked at first. Then I got really excited! I thought this was a total miracle.... and I felt bad for making fun of people that had been so far along when they had learned they were pregnant. Maybe someone had told them that they were not pregnant when they still were!!! In essence, I thought that I was going to walk out of the ER as an ecstatic pregnant woman again... that God had answered my prayers.. that this little baby was an amazing miracle...and I could not have been happier! Clint kept trying to tell me to not get my hopes up....I was not doing a very good job of staying realistic.

Around 3:00 am, we finally saw a sonogram. It looked very similar in some ways to my previous miscarriage (except there was one embryonic sac and not two!!) The sac looked good and strong and was continuing to grow but nothing else looked the way that it should be. The other problem was that they found a "cyst like object" near my right ovary. I knew then that this pregnancy and my body were not okay. They sent me home around 4:00 am with lots of morphine and told me to see my OBGYN at 9:00 am. They recommended that I not eat or drink anything. They figured that I would be headed for another D and C... and possible surgery on the cyst if it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. After receiving all of this news, it felt like I had the miscarriage all over again. The pain was still there and now I was on a roller coaster of emotion that left me heartbroken. On Tuesday, I went to see my doctor. He confirmed much of what they told me the night before and recommended an immediate d and c with the possibility of surgery... once he knew what was going on. When I woke up a few hours later... I discovered that in fact that was the case. I had suffered from a ectopic pregnancy. Obviously, there was a lot going on in my body that I still don't understand. They cleaned out my body and ended up removing part of one of my tubes where all of my pain had originated. The doctor felt confident that they got all of what they needed to help me get back on the road to recovery. Since Tuesday afternoon, I have been recovering at home.

I really can't describe all that has gone through my head and my heart this week. I don't know what our future holds as a family... but I do know that my God is the God who heals.. both physically and emotionally. And to be honest, I need a lot of healing right now. He protected my body from further damage and has blessed me with such a wonderful support network. I am so thankful. The procedure has been more painful than I expected because of the extended work they did. I am very thankful that my mom was able to come and help out for a couple of days. She has been so wonderful- taking care of me and my family as only she can. We have been so blessed to have her here with us. Today is my first day without strong pain medicine, and I am glad to be working my way through some of this fog. (If you have talked to me or seen me over the last couple of days- you know "foggy" is putting it lightly!) So...this is where I am right now-- still working through a fog of shock, pain, and grief... but doing my best to get myself to the other side. I am excited to be feeling better so that I can enjoy this weekend with my girls. They are my best medicine and biggest blessings- God is shining through them and I feel His goodness every time I see them.

Happy Halloween to all of you... enjoy your weekend with your family. I know that I will treasure every moment with mine.

October Fun

Friday was the first day when I felt like we did some of the Fall activities that I enjoy doing with my girls. It has been such a different October for us with sickness and rainy cool weather on the weekends.
Camryn spent most of the morning at an Art Class painting pumpkins. Here is a picture of my painter hard at work. She loved her class, and she is already excited about the one she has next month.

We were excited to celebrate Lauren's early release day with a fun trip to the Argyle Pumpkin Express. On our way to the pumpkin patch, we stopped and watched the Blue Angels fly through the sky. Clint and Cam especially enjoyed it.

When we finally got out the pumpkin patch, it wasn't very crowded.. which surprised me. We walked right onto the train! It was a very windy day-- as you can tell by all the crazy hair pictures. But.. the girls had a blast! They loved riding the train around the property... and then they had so much fun on the bounce houses and in the corn maze. My favorite picture I took of them all day... I shot in my backyard. But- we definitely had fun!

Here are a few observations from our time at the pumpkin patch.

1) It was muddy- so it really felt like a farm to me.
2) Lauren is now taller than the corn maze.... but she never thought to use it to help her find the end

3) See Sawing without hurting your sibling is an acquired skill.
4) Trains and bounces houses make my girls incredibly happy.

I am so glad that we were able to sneak in a trip to the pumpkin patch before Halloween!

Camryn's Soggy Western Day

On Wednesday, my street was literally flooded. There was rain EVERYWHERE! Our backyard looked like big puddle with a small swingset in the middle. Everytime I looked out the window, I wondered.... "How are we going to have Western Day at the preschool tomorrow?" But.... it all worked out. By 10:00 that morning.. it was chilly but no longer raining. The parking lot became a farmyard.... and my Camryn and her friends had a great Western Day! There were pony rides and lots of animals to pet and brush. Camryn had a great time... and I was so thankful one of our favorite school days survived the flood.